


How I Will Grieve

by Rozilla



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Grief, spoilers for the dark world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 14:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rozilla/pseuds/Rozilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whilst Loki fashions his grief into a weapon that will help him finally earn his freedom, Thor goes to find comfort in the arms of Jane Foster. The aether has other ideas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How I Will Grieve

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in Jane's position before; I'm not exactly good at offering comfort in the face of overwhelming grief, but I've found that the best thing to do is ask what they want, not offer advice.  
> Ack, I'm not proud of this one.This is the first time I've tried to write something like this and actually finish it. I have over thought it way to much and it's just one of those things I had to exorcise. Trust me, there's half a dozen of these things sitting half-finished on my hard drive. I'll get round to those.

Loki couldn't remember when the rage began to fade into shaking, bleeding helplessness, but he knew something had began to bank and subside when he realised he was surrounded by broken furniture, smeared fruit and the scattered pages of books. He must have truly lost to his anguish if he had carelessly torn up books.  
All the while, he knew that his brother, perfect golden Thor, stay stoic and silent, his head bowed in solemnity as his friends, companions and his mortal _doxy_ rallied round to express how sorry they were. It made him more disgusted than angry, though the jealousy burned in his gut more than he cared to admit. Sitting up in a corner, looking at the ceiling, his long black hair matted with his own blood; shed when he broke something, he couldn't remember what, shaking and screaming until the inner fire faded and died down to embers. Had he known that the last thing he said to her before she was claimed by eternity-  
A treacherous voice began to niggle in his ear; _Well, that was no matter. Not his fault. He was not going to feel guilt for being honest to her and justified in his position. She was never his mother really, that was the truth._  
The best liars, it would seem, could lie to themselves and still believe it. Not only that, but truth, to a talented Lie-Smith, was his stock and trade; he needed to know how to twist it, mould it to his own advantage.  
He leaned back into the cool press of the wall behind him and sighed deeply, trying to gather his thoughts. There was going to be a lot of painful truths being dragged out now, not just his own, but perhaps his brother's to. Loki could use this, his own vulnerability, his rage and grief, to his advantage. Not only that; but he could now use Thor's greatest weakness; his sentimentality, for that mortal and for him, his dear little brother. No matter what Thor said, he knew deep down that the big oaf cared for him. He was counting on it.  
A plan began to formulate.  
  
Jane felt more helpless than she ever had done; the funerals for those lost in the attack were coming to an end, with the last ships leaving for the stars. What could she possibly say to offer comfort? She had lost a loved one once, but to the Asgardians; death was something they did not think of much. It was a far off concept, a distant star they didn't need to even look at, but to her; a mortal who lived the merest fraction of the lifetime of an Asgardian...  
No wonder they scoffed at the idea of her and Thor.  
She couldn't sleep, she paced her room in her long gown, which felt far too big on her now. She felt small and insignificant here, she hated this. Hated this. She never could sleep at night, not when the stars were out, but especially not now; under an alien sky, so far from home...  
She trusted Frigga completely, she knew not to mess with a Queen. She could see where Thor got his conviction, his kindness and gentle strength... Frigga had hidden her away, Jane couldn't even hear all what was happening, but was aware of the clash of steel, the muffled voices and the cries of pain...  The Aether stirred painfully in her chest when it felt the presence of it's true master nearby. She had to fight some mad urge to go back to him as it was.  
 _Maybe it would have been better for her to die in Frigga's place after all-_  
That was the Aether talking, she told herself, that was it's way of finding a new host. She was learning from it; it showed her the black devastation it could unleash when she closed her eyes. It spread its tendrils out like ink in water; consuming all it could find.  
A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts, she sighed.  
'Yes?' She called, her stomach turning with nerves and frustration.  
Please, no more chamber maids, she thought, she wasn't in the mood to be undressed like a living Barbie doll, but there they were. She let them in, three in all, and let them undress her, certain that she shouldn't be showing disrespect for Asgardian customs right now, no matter how uncomfortable it made her.  
They had dressed her that morning, all smiles and pleasantries, laughing to make her feel more relaxed, but now they seemed cold and, maybe it was her imagination, they seemed a little brusque; the way they pulled at the cords and loops and loosened the skirts...  
 _Oh yeah,_ Jane remembered something, _they are- were the Queen's chamber maids._  
They presented a thin, white linen slip for her to wear to bed, 'I'm sorry for your loss,' she managed, as they pulled it over her head and smoothed it down for her.  
'Thank you,' said one of them, so cold that ice slithered off each syllable.  
'Jane?'  
The voice sent a shiver through her; a mix of surprise and deep longing. The door opened, the chamber maids curtsied low and stood back. Thor filled the doorway, tall and broad, his dark leather cloak still draped from his shoulders, concealing his dormant power and quiet strength. Jane suddenly felt herself stopping her own knees from dropping in a curtsey.  
'Leave us please,' Thor's voice was calm and low, addressing the maids, who looked at one another.  
'My Prince,' one of them said, cautiously, 'your father told us-'  
'I will go to him,' he said, still calm and not looking the maid in the eye 'but not now. I have matters to discuss with Jane.'  
His gaze was fixed on her, who returned it, feeling a hot weight grow in her belly. The maid looked as though she might protest, when Thor turned to look at her.  
'Yes?'  
The maid thought better of it and curtsied again 'My Lord.'  
They filed out, leaving them alone and closing the door behind them with barely a click. He raised a hand to unfasten his cloak and let it drop onto a nearby chair, Jane watched him and tried hard not to blush when she saw his bare arms for the first time in, what, two years?  
 _Holy crap, he's so beautiful... I swear his biceps are as big as my thighs._  
He walked back to her, taking her hand, locking his fingers in her's and lifted it to his lips. The kiss on her knuckles caught her breath in her chest and flushed her cheeks.  
 _Calm down,_ she reminded herself, _he's grieving, he's in pain don't-_  
'Jane,' his voice hoarse for a moment.  
'I'm so sorry,' she pressed his hand to her cheek.  
'What for?'  
'For... everything,' the words spilled out before she could stop herself 'she told me to hide, told me to stay put, I wanted to help but-'  
'If you had tried to come to her aid, Malaketh would have the Aether and would have killed you both,' Thor let his fingers rest on her skin 'Jane, you have nothing to be sorry for. Malaketh seeks the Aether, he killed my mother and he is the one who will pay. You only did right by her wishes, that is all I could ask.'  
'I just feel so... so... useless right now,' Jane felt a wave of guilt hit her full in the chest – _he's trying to comfort_ me _this is insane_ \- she suddenly realised how close he was. He seemed to just fill the world right now, he smelt metallic and heady like the air before a thunderstorm. His hand gently brushed against her cheek and ran along her jaw line. She looked up at his eyes – they were always so gentle and kind, so blue... now there was something else there. She wasn't sure whether she was scared or strangely excited, but she couldn't stop looking. She felt smaller, more human in comparison to him. He's still worshipped as a god in some parts of the- her world, how can someone possibly process this?  
 _If you were him, what would you want? ___  
Well she knew that, she had lost her father to a stupid, idiot drunk driver. He'd been run off the road on New Year's Day, dead before he could reach the hospital.  
When she returned to school, everyone avoided her, didn't know what to say. She didn't want to talk about it anyway, she just wanted to bury herself, head first, in the work her father began. She was shocked at her own behaviour, she should be crying or grieving or – no. Classic psychology. She was in shock, a fortnight long shock that only ended when Adam Fry from the chemistry department asked her if she wanted to go for a drink. Talk it out.  
They didn't do much talking. That had been fine by her. All she wanted was to forget and shut off her brain for a blessed hour, whilst he kissed her and ran his hands under her shirt, pawing at her bra, then moving south to make swift work of her jeans. She found that she wasn't even ashamed afterwards as they lay, shaking and sweating in the back of Adam's car. It was just what she needed.

The real grief and tears did come much later, one night after she accidentally pressed play on the answering machine and she heard her Dad's voice asking if she could let her Mum know that was just popping over to the lab, _I know it's New Year's Day but something's just occured to me_ -

There's only one course of action. Don't offer something you cannot give, just ask them.  
'Is there anything I can do?' She managed  
Thor tilted her chin 'Kiss me.'  
 _Well, that I can do._

 _  
_She had stand on her tip toes, pull him down to meet him, but that was okay. She'd often fantasied about him lifting her, after all, she was no weight at all to him- he did so now, pulling her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist, the muscle in her thighs coming into contact with the cold, hard belts of his armour. She could wrap her arms around his neck, bracing her arms against the expanse of his shoulders whilst his hands gripped and cupped through the thin fabric of her shift and-

 _Oh God I'm not wearing any underwear._ _  
_Before the thought had time to formulate, he had lowered her to the bed, gently but with a undercurrent of purpose and desperation. His body formed a little cage over her and the kissing had become urgent and needy, like a man gasping for breath, and his hands - rough from battle-callouses - lifted the dress, rucking it up around her belly so it exposed her to him. He paused to savour the sight, Jane watched him breathe for a second before he lowered himself to his knees before her. She threw her head back, concentrating of the feeling of him, using the tips of his fingers to move deep and slow against her skin, tracing the outline of her legs all the way up to her. She was wet already, it hadn't taken long, and her knees practically shook when his pressed a hand to her, right at the apex of her thighs. She whimpered for him and he returned it with what was almost a growl ' _I want you, please, please_ -'

'It's okay,' she managed, lifting her hips to him and gasping as he gently slid a finger inside 'I want you to.'

 _This is going too fast, we barely know each other, this could all end badly- but I officially don't care._

For a moment he just looked at her, searching her face to be utterly sure, then he stood up and reached down to the buckles of his breast plate, the click and slide of leather was almost too much to bare, she tried to breathe and focus. The tunic underneath followed over his head, whilst she watched in awe; he was glorious, there was no other word and it was no wonder the Vikings worshipped him as a fertility god. She had tried no to look back then, when he first strode out of her bathroom half naked and completely unashamed. She'd been a bit embarrassed, as well as annoyed at his arrogance... but since then, she knew, he'd fought wars and lead entire armies. It showed. He never stopped looking at her, the whole time and she made a guess at what he wanted to see in return. She made the move to pull the dress up and over her head when some thing froze within her. It was as if the breath had been sucked from her body, as if someone had flicked a switch and turned off the lights. She remembered sliding forward and tumbling to the cold, hard floor, then Thor shouting her name and lifting her up, dimly aware of her the rush of air as she was carried somewhere.

 

When she awoke, she realised she was under the glare of the soul-forge again. The warm press of it's bed beneathe her and the tingle of it passing through her body and her image cast in thousands upon thousands of tiny atoms above her. She heard two voices just off the side; Thor was talking with Eir...

'It has spread,' she was saying, 'she cannot last much longer.'

'I did not harm her, I only...' His voice trailed off 'why did it attack her?'

'It seeks its master, it knew he was near... it is toying with her I fear,' Eir sighed 'you are not to blame, though it was probably... inadvisable.'

'I know.'

Jane listened, they didn't seem to know she was awake. This thing, it was aware, it was trying to use her... but she was only mortal, it was desperate to find a new body. It wanted her to leave and find Malaketh... it wouldn't even let her have one night with him before it claimed her and killed her! 

'Thor,' she croaked.

'Jane,' He rushed forward to take her hand 'are you alright?'

'I've been better,' she joked weakly, 'I'm sorry.'

'I am the one who should be sorry,' he leaned down to kiss her, breaking the image above her, much to her relief.

'Thor!'

He stopped at the sound of his name, a roar that seemed to echo every where. He knew that voice, so did she. Eir stood back in time, her head bowed at the prescence of the King. Thor didn't move, he simply smiled at Jane a moment, then closed his eyes in readiness for the onslaught.

'Father, I intended to see you-'

'But thought your time was better spent in the company of your mortal _whore_?'

The words seemed to cut through Jane like a hot knife through her spine. Goat was far preferable. 

'Father,' Thor warned, turning to him 'you are in torment, you are grieving, but do not think to call Jane such vile-'

'I have lost one son to greed and the lust for power, now I have lost my wife and that is not enough! I am to lose my son, _my heir_ , to this foolish infatuation!' Odin was still in his ceremonial armour, his eye glowering with rage, not sure who to focus on first. Jane tried to lift herself up onto her elbows, but she could barely move as Odin marched towards his son, his finger pointing directly under his nose 'You should be ashamed! How would your mother rest easy on her path to Valhalla if she knew her son was cavorting-'

' _Enough_!'

Thor's shout reverberated and shook as it stopped his father mid-rant. For a moment, Jane was certain that one would move to strike the other, she honestly couldn't tell which one, and longed to do something, anything- but Odin sagged. His shoulders slumped for a moment, then looked up at his son. Something passed between them, a moment of regret? Remorse? Or just the need to talk? People said stupid things at a time like this. Even Kings.

'I will speak with you alone,' Thor said, calmly as he could manage, 'or I will not speak with you at all.'

Odin considered this for a moment, then glared at Jane, ' _She_ is to be escorted back to her chambers, you are not to visit her again this night you hear?'

Thor paused, his jaw clenched 'I hear,' he said, reluctantly nodding to some guards, 'but let me say good bye first.'

'If you must.'

He turned to Jane, his eyes sad and loving, then kissed her on the cheek. He lingered long enough to her ear 'Have heart, I will think of something.'

'I know.'

He departed with last glance that Jane burned into her aching brain. It was little comfort, but it would have to do.

The guards brought her a cloak to keep her warm as they marched her gently back towards her room. A few servants turned to look in her direction, she couldn't tell what they were thinking, but she felt the Aether stir once more.

 _Look. They all hate you. They all want you dead in her place. You are nothing but his mortal concubine._ _  
_She gripped the cloak and fixed her gaze ahead. Damned if she was going to listen to a swirling cloud of black motor oil, anti-matter my ass, this thing was _sentient_. 

She was left alone once more, she felt so tired and drained she could barely stand. 

And when she did sleep, it was to have her dreams interupted by the grip of that screeching darkness.

 


End file.
